Love letters for My Darling
by VerityFrancesB
Summary: Connected with My Darling Jethro, Gibbs is being obtuse and nosy!
1. Chapter 1

So, aserene gave me the idea for this so you have her to thank (or blame!). It ties in with My Darling Jethro and for the sake of this story, she hasn't given him this letter, yet. Gibbs is being nosy whilst at Jens house and stumbles across some letters, all addressed to My Darling and signed, You have my heart, always, Jen. He gets angry because he wants to know who this man is, little does he know that it is actually him. Jen has written to him but never given them to him.

There are going to be 4 chapters, but please bear with me (I say that alot!).

Enjoy.

Verity

xox


	2. Discovery

_This chapter follows on from the Season 3 episode Jeopardy. It is from Gibbs point of view. _

* * *

The panic that set in immediately after Dempsey made his demands regarding his dead brother was unfamiliar and completely unwanted. I didn't like the fact that this guy that I didn't know, had never met, knew just how to get me to co-operate. I knew Jen could look after herself but I still worried. When we had got her back, it took all of my strength not to pull her into my arms and smooth her hair; I never did tell her that I liked it short.

"You ever going to say anything?" She asked, the irritation clear in her voice. I couldn't risk spilling the thoughts that were currently rolling around in my head so I held out my coffee.

"Have a drink." I said and she rewarded me with a faint smile. I knew how frustrated getting held at gun point made her so when she caught up with me later, just as I was getting into my car and asked for a ride home, I hesitated for a second. I wasn't prepared for the frosty atmosphere that I knew would be surrounding her. Of course I eventually agreed and steered her towards my car. She sat still in the car, staring straight ahead.

"You ever going to say anything?" I copied her question from earlier and she let out a small laugh.

"Let's have a drink." She said, and I laughed at her use of my earlier demand. I pulled into her driveway and she sat still in the car for a few seconds before she turned to me and placed her hand tentatively on my arm.

"Thank you Jethro." She said in a small voice.

"For what?" I asked, and she rolled her eyes at me.

"For saving me." She said, I looked at her blankly.

"It never even occurred to me not to Jen." I said and got out of the car. I waited at her front door for her. She opened the lock and turned to look at me once again. She placed her hand on my face and smiled gently at me and swung the door open. I stood bewildered for a second and followed her into her study where she was already pouring two generous measures of bourbon. She handed a glass to me, lifted her in a silent toast and drained it. She sat down on her couch and motioned for me to join her. I sat down on the other end, even though I wanted to sit next to her a draw her into my lap. I nearly lost her today, and even though I had lost her before, I wanted to feel her, I wanted to make sure she was still there. She stared into the empty fireplace, a shadow crossed over her face and she shook her head slightly as if to rid herself of a memory.

"Jethro?" Her voice was so quiet I had to strain to hear her.

"Hmmm?"

"Will you…will you stay…for a while?" She asked hesitantly still not looking at me.

"Sure Jenny." I replied and her shoulders visibly relaxed and she leant back into the couch and turned her head to look at me. I don't know why, but she had been shaken even more than usual by this case and I longed to hold her, although I knew she would push me away, and I couldn't risk her running again.

"I need a shower." She said suddenly and I jumped slightly. She glanced at me. "Don't go before I get out ok?" She said and I dumbly nodded. She turned around as she was halfway out of the door. "You know where everything is Jethro, make yourself at home." Home, I liked the sound of that, making myself at home with Jen.

I scanned the bookshelf that Jen is so proud of and smiled as I picked up "Pride and Prejudice", a book that always reminded me of her, she had so much pride in her, too much pride that never her let too close to anyone. An envelope fluttered to the floor, the investigator in me bent down and picked it up. The friend and ex lover in me wanted to put it back and ignore it but I was burning to open. I guess the investigator won out because so I slid the folded paper out. It was a letter written in Jens elegant handwriting. My curiosity piqued and, against my better judgment, I unfolded it.

_**My Darling, **_

_**I am sitting here without you and I am aching to be near you. It has been far too long and I can't wait until I am back in your arms where I belong. **_

I don't know what possessed me to carry on reading, it was obviously a private letter that Jen had written to someone, but what made me read on was the fact that that someone was not me. I had always known that Jen had never really loved me, but the anger I felt at reading that first line was enough to make me disregard her privacy.

_**I have missed you, far more than I ever thought that I would. I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you.**_

My hands clenched around the paper.

_**You taught me so much, and I want to thank you because I never did. I never told you how proud I am that you were mine, if only for a while, you were mine.**_

I frowned in confusion. What does she mean by "were"? Who the hell was this bastard that had let her go?

_**I can't wait for the day when I can say that you are mine again. I don't know when that will be, but I prayer every night that it will be soon. **_

It wouldn't be soon if I had anything to do with it, it would be never. I scanned the rest of the letter, reading words of love, missed opportunities, but it was the closing lines that made my blood boil.

_**You have my heart, always, **_

_**Jen.**_

I calmly folded the letter and returned it to the pages of the book. I was out of the door and back into my car before I even registered what I was doing. I knew Jen would be mad that I left without saying goodbye, but the thought of her with someone else was driving me crazy. If it was the last thing that I did, I was going to find out who this man was, and kill him.

* * *

Jen sighed and leant her head against the door frame. She stared at the empty couch. Gibbs had just left without saying goodbye. She ignored the prickling behind her eyelids as tears welled up. She hated being this needy, but there was something about being held at gun point which made her want Gibbs around. She poured another bourbon and sat down at her desk. She opened a drawer and pulled out a pile on envelopes. She had been writing these letters for a long time, but had never worked up the courage to send any of them; they were all dotted around her house in numerous places. She lifted her pen to her lips for a second to think and put pen to paper.

_**My Darling…**_

* * *

_To be continued…_

_V!_

_xox_


	3. Evolution and Resentment

_Set after Bury Your Dead, again from Gibbs point of view. _

* * *

The moment I saw Tony's car blow up, I hated her. I have never hated her before, but I did, right then. But it wasn't just hate, it was an odd mixture of love and hate, that I have only felt for her. And then when Ducky looked at me with concern and made a simple statement, I felt so angry at her for making me answer the question.

"She blames herself." I stared back at him. "Should she?" He asked. Of course she should. She should blame herself for everything, for Tony not being here annoying me at this crime scene, for Ziva looking like she had just lost her best friend, for McGee not cowering when I shout at him, just staring blankly at me. But most of all, and what made me feel guilty the most, for me loving her. I felt conflicted. I shouldn't have been wanting to shake her till her teeth rattled and make love to her all at the same time.

I knew she was up to something, she had been so distracted recently and when I saw her making her way out of her office I decided to go to her house. I wanted to be there when she got back, to stop herself doing anything stupid, I wasn't quite sure what I thought she was going to do, but I wanted to be there, to make sure she was ok. I had a feeling in my gut that the Frog was going to call her and knowing Jenny, she wouldn't listen to him unless it was a surprise "visit", so when Tony told us to expect a call, I knew how this was going to pan out.

I managed to pick the lock of her front door, and quietly closed it behind me. I knew exactly where she kept her spare weapon so I opened her desk drawer. My eyes fell onto a pile of envelopes and I closed my hand around them and pulled them out. They were all the same as the letter that I had found the last time I was in her study.

_**My Darling, **_

_**You asked me once if I was offering you the chance to have children with me. God, I wish I had said yes then because I fear it is too late now.**_

I stared down at the words in front of me. I had had the same conversation with her when she first came back to NCIS. This man, this…bastard is leading the life that I should be. I felt cheated that she hadn't told me about him, maybe she knew that I would hunt him down.

_**I have wanted to tell you, so many times, but every time I open my mouth to speak, my mind seizes up and I can't voice exactly what I'm feeling. I hate myself for hurting you, but I had to do what's best for me. I have said I am sorry, so many times. So many times that I am not sure what I am apologizing for anymore. I know you think apologizing is a sign of weakness…**_

I re-folded the letter and rubbed small circles on my temples. The words she had written echoed in my head, _**I hate myself for hurting you, **_what about me Jen? Do you hate yourself for hurting_ me_? I reached into the drawer and pulled out her weapon. I emptied the clip into my hand and replaced the weapon; at least she couldn't hurt anyone else.

She looked so calm sitting in front of The Frog, I wanted to be behind her, giving her support, but I stood, riveted to the spot, furious with her and furious with myself.

"Read us in." She said and I for a second I forgot that I was meant to be angry with her because she said "us". It is funny how effortlessly she uses the word. My mind flashed back to the letter.

_**I wish there was still an "us". We were good together, weren't we?**_

I smiled to myself, and then frowned as I remembered that she wasn't talking about me and her. It made me angry that she thought she was good with anyone other than me. I clenched my jaw in an effort to keep from screaming at her.

_**You have a way of looking after me that makes me so angry, yet feel so safe.**_

I shook my head slightly. I don't think she noticed because she didn't ask if anything was wrong. I was glad that someone else looked out for her, but that honor was meant to be for me, a long time ago it had been for me.

When she pointed the weapon at The Frog, my heart skipped a beat even though I knew it wasn't loaded. I took an unconscious step towards her and told her it wasn't loaded. If she noticed the confusion that crossed René's face, she gave no outward sign. As he walked out, I saw Jens shoulders slump and exhaustion shadow her face and I stepped forward to hold her, only to pull myself back. She was snappy and agitated.

"If the weapon was loaded and I wasn't here," I paused because she knew very well what I was going to say, "Would you have pulled the trigger?" I longed to pull her roughly to me, to take her over the desk, to ask her is she had ever loved me, did you Jen? Did you ever love me?

"I guess we'll never know." I couldn't help but wonder if she was answering my unasked question. She stared at me defiantly and I walked out slamming the magazine on her desk.

_**You have my heart, always,**_

_**Jen**_

Jen placed her hands over her face as tears spilled out of her eyes. She took a deep shaky breath and slumped into her chair. She pulled out a piece of paper. Maybe this would be the one letter that got delivered to its rightful recipient,

_**My Darling**_

_**I have been so stupid, trying to hide things from you, when you know me better than anyone, better than I know myself…**_

****

* * *

_V!_

_Xox_

_The next part is almost done so should be up later today! _


	4. Misunderstandings

_Set after Lost and Found, this one if from Jens point of view, here Gibbs confronts her about the letters. _

* * *

I knew he was playing me, from the moment he walked into my office and handed me the file for signature, I knew it, but for some reason I couldn't stop myself from playing along. It has always been the way with him, I just want to be with him and if that means playing along with some game, even though I am unsure of the rules, I will. I was actually looking forward to having a child in my home, the house was too quiet and I hoped that he would bring some well needed noise.

I stood in the doorway watching him and Carson, my heart tightened at the thought that I should have been standing there watching him with our child. I told him I had forgotten how good he was with kids but I hadn't. I thought about it every day

"It's been a long time, us together, outside the office." He thought for a second.

"Paris. If you don't count hospitals and car chases." I laughed gently.

"I don't. Once upon a time I would have asked you to stay and I wouldn't have taken no for an answer." He looked at me; I could see the internal struggle.

"No."

"What happened Jethro?"

"You made a choice."

"I had to do what was best for me, I still do." He gave me his crooked smile but I could see anger, for some unknown reason, squirming behind his eyes. I closed the door behind him. I turned to walk back up the stairs and was stopped by a knock on the door. I frowned as I saw the culprit.

"Forget something Jethro." I asked with my hands on my hips.

"Are you doing what's best for you now Jen?" He asked. I stared at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you doing what's best for you now?" He repeated, getting angrier by the second. I stared at him, running my answer through my mind. I kidded myself into believing that we were on the same page.

"No." I said quietly, "But some things just can't be, no matter how much we want them to." He stormed past me and into my study. He walked round my desk and opened one of the drawers. I held my hand out to stop him.

"Jethro! Don't." I pleaded as he pulled his hand out of the drawer, he was holding the envelopes. I closed my eyes, sighed and readied myself for the questions. When none came, I tried to leave the confines of the study, Jethro's anger was rolling off him in waves and it was making it hard for me to breathe. His hand closed over my arm and spun me around; his eyes were like ice, he shook an envelope in my face.

"Who the hell is he Jen?" He demanded and my brow furrowed in confusion, "Is it that…Doctor?" He spat. Realization hit me and I nearly laughed in his face. He saw the amusement in my eyes because his hand tightened around my arm and I winced slightly as he pulled me closer to him.

"Who is he Jen?" He whispered the fury in his voice almost tangible. I wrenched my arm out of his grasp.

"Are you being intentionally obtuse Jethro?" I asked and felt pleased with the look of bewilderment that crossed his face.

"What are you talking about Jen?" He asked his voice dangerously low.

"Of course it's "the Doctor", as you so eloquently put it, and his name is Todd. Who else did you think it would be?" I almost regretted the lie as soon as it fell from my mouth, almost. I knew I was being cruel, but the fact that he was completely ignoring the obvious made me so angry. "You left, remember? You left me; you told me didn't remember anything and left. I may have left you in Paris Jethro, but I never claimed not to remember anything." I nearly screamed at him. He gripped me again by the arms and pulled me towards him, for a split second I thought he was going to kiss me. "You're hurting me." I whispered.

"I remember everything." He said and let me go. He turned away and stalked towards the drinks cabinet. He started pouring himself a drink.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked. He turned to me and offered me a glass. I nearly took it and threw it at him. When I remained motionless, he drained his glass and slammed it down.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked and I swear I almost heard hurt in his voice. I suddenly remembered the reason for our argument and turned to him.

"How dare you." I spat, "How dare you invade my privacy and then have the audacity to lecture me about not telling you." My voice rose in anger. His eyes flashed dangerously at me and I nearly winced, I stood my ground though and stared at him.

"Don't lecture me about invading your privacy Jen, if I hadn't, you would have shot René." He countered.

"Oh, and I suppose you think I should thank you for that." I scoffed. "Reading the letters and taking the magazine are two completely different things Jethro." He seemed to deflate suddenly.

"I just wanted to see if you knew what you were doing, Jen. You're my friend and I worry about you." I don't want to be your friend Jethro, I want to be so much more than that, I wanted to scream at him. His sudden quietness was completely out of character and it angered me even more. I rushed to the door and held it open for him. He looked dejected as he walked out. He turned around to say something at me; I stopped him by holding up my hand.

"If you want to know so much about my life then read the damn thing." I demanded as I thrust a letter into his hand, pushed him out of the door and slammed it behind him. Only then did I realize which letter I had thrown at him.

* * *

Gibbs drove home in a daze. He didn't quite understand what had happened, he didn't know why he had been so angry with Jen, but was furious with himself for hurting her. Anger had blinded him for a minute and truth be told it scared him. He didn't touch the letter that was burning a hole in his chest pocket until he was in the haven that was his basement. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to read it. He settled on the floor with his back leaning against the sideboard. He took a deep breath and pulled out the letter.

_**My Darling Jethro, **_

_**This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do and some small part of me hopes that you are finding as hard to read as I am finding it to write…**_

* * *

_I'm thinking there is only 1 more left to go._

_V!_

_xox_


	5. Baptism By Firelight

_This chapter doesn't come after a particular episode, although it follows on from the last chapter, after the Lost and Found case has been resolved. For those of you that didn't realize, she had given him the letter from my story, My Darling Jethro. Sorry, is has taken longer than I anticipated because I had a crisis of faith and had to completely re-write this chapter. Thank you to Ellie and Aly for their continued support! You guys are stars and I love you both!_

* * *

"I'm not good with words Jen." Gibbs got straight to the point the second Jen opened her front door and found him standing in the porch. She gave him a tentative smile and leaned her head against the door frame.

"I've noticed." She said as she stood aside to let him in.

"You hungry?" He gestured to the bag of take out he was holding and she raised her eyebrows at him.

"What?" He asked sounding affronted. "A guy can't talk over dinner with his old partner?" He gave her a lopsided grin.

"I thought you weren't good with words?" She said as she too the bag and walked towards the kitchen. "What's this one going to cost me Jethro?" She called.

"Nothing." He replied as he came up behind. He reached around her to steal a spear of asparagus. The close proximity of their bodies' caused havoc with her senses and she nearly forgot that she was meant to be angry with him. She turned around and found herself pinned to the counter by his arms. He grinned down at her and his eyes flashed mischievously.

"Oh no Jethro, you are not getting out of my bad books that way." She said as she pushed him away.

"What way?" He asked innocently and was rewarded with a knowing smile. She grabbed two plates and cutlery and walked towards her study.

"Bring the food." She threw over her shoulder. He followed her into the study and found her pouring two glasses of red wine. He set the food down on the coffee table and took the glass that she held out to him. He raised it to her and took a sip. Gibbs watched her close her eyes as she swallowed a mouthful and smiled to himself. It was such a simple gesture but one that was so uniquely Jen. His fingers involuntarily itched to touch her and he clenched his hand by his side, he still hadn't completely made up for being an obtuse bastard. She walked over to the table and, slipping off her shoes, settled on the floor.

"Christ." Gibbs groaned as he joined her. "I'm getting too old to sit on the floor." She smirked at him and laughed when he glared at her.

"You're only as old as the person you feel Jethro." She said, with a wicked smile.

"How old would it make me if I'm not currently feeling anyone?" He asked helping himself to a steak as she piled asparagus on his plate. He had to smile at the ease at which they worked together. Jen laughed as she reached for her glass and he gestured to her arm which was sporting light bruising from his grip. He sobered suddenly and his stomach turned at the thought that he had marked her skin.

"I hurt you." He said.

"That's ok." She accepted his silent apology with a gentle smile. They fell into an easy silence and after a while Jen stretched her legs out towards the fire and wriggled her toes slightly, an unconscious smile gracing her face. Gibbs stole a sideways glance at her. She seemed to sense his eyes on her and turned towards him to catch his gaze.

"I thought you wanted to talk over dinner." He said, for some reason desperate to break the silence.

"Actually, you were the one who turned up on my doorstep with dinner claiming you wanted to talk." She emphasized the last word with a glint in her eyes. He nodded his head slightly in agreement and inched closer to her.

"I've been an idiot." He said.

"You've only just realized?" She asked as she unconsciously moved towards him.

"I was angry." He said, moving even closer.

"Join the club." She responded and mirrored his movement.

"They were all for me." It was more of a statement than a question. He took her hand and she smiled down at their entwined fingers.

"Every single one." She replied. He nodded, satisfied and stared at the fire.

"I really am a bastard, you know?" He said in a quiet voice.

"Jethro, I have known you long enough." She laughed slightly. "But you're my bastard."

"That I am Jen." He replied as he lent over and kissed her.

* * *

_V!_

_xox_


End file.
